


A Milton Family Christmas

by TheAuthorGod



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Beard!Dean, Bottom Castiel, Christmas, Christmas AU, Dean with a beard, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Most of the characters are just mentioned, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape is in the past and not explicit, Rape is not in actual story it is only alluded to, Top Dean, Top Dean Winchester, proposal fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 17:11:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2781125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAuthorGod/pseuds/TheAuthorGod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas have been going out for a long time and while they'd had bumps they were still going strong.  Both have a past they may not want to talk about; Cas' past haunts him through thoughts of living in his hometown and Dean's past has been eating at him ever since they'd moved out to California to be near Sam and, his now wife, Jessica.</p><p>Dean and Cas go back for a Milton Family Christmas; and, while not everything goes as planned, it turns out good in the end.</p><p>(Happy ending, this was supposed to be a fluffy beard!Dean fic but it turned into a lot more, rape is not in fic it is only a brief mention but I wanted to warn because rape is an extremely serious subject and I don't want to hurt anyone.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Milton Family Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Happy ending I swear.  
> This was supposed to be a fluffy beard!Dean fic but it turned into a lot more. It gets deep and there is a lot of back story. I don't know where this came from really.
> 
> IMPORTANT!!!!!  
> Rape is not in fic!  
> It is only a brief mention; but, I wanted to warn because rape is an extremely serious subject and I don't want to hurt anyone.

Dean looked at Cas when they he put the car in park. Cas reached over and stroked the slight beard on Dean’s face. Cas really liked it; it made him look older and more mature. Not that Dean needed to be older of more mature; but, it was a good look on him or so Cas thought.  
  
Cas exited the car and headed toward the house. He couldn’t wait to see his mom and dad; it had been too long. He and Dean had moved out to help Dean’s brother get situated a few years back and had never really moved back. It had been on the table once; but, Jessica got pregnant and the look of joy on Dean’s face when he held that little girl was too amazing for Cas to give up.  
  
He and Dean had been looking at adoption, not anything too serious yet, though. Dean still had some issues to iron out. Cas still had some worries to deal with. It just wasn’t the right time yet.  
  
Cas knew enough about Dean’s past to live with Dean and sleep in the same bed as Dean. Sam didn’t even know what all had happened to Dean when he left for college. The first they had spoken since Sam left for college, Dean had come to Sam with broken ribs, a black eye, and no idea where their con father had went.  
  
Licking his lips, Cas raised his fist to knock on the door. The door flew open and Colette flung herself into Cas.  
  
She squeezed him tight. “Sweetie, it’s been so long.” She pulled back to look at him. “Been treating you right, hasn’t he?”  
  
Cas nodded. He decided not to mention the last time Dean packed a bag and headed on a road trip. It had been a couple of weeks, maybe a month, previous. Cas was always upset when Dean up and left without telling him. He came home from work to find a note on the fridge, Heading to the coast. Be back soon.  
  
Dean returned a day later; but, it wasn’t the Dean that had been spooning Cas two nights previous.  
  
When Dean had returned, he had been quiet; but, he usually was. He spent a few days on the couch before migrating back to the bed. The night he had turned and pulled Cas back into him was when Cas finally relaxed. He had turned around in Dean’s arms and pushed a kiss to Dean’s lips.  
  
Dean had shaken his head with regret. “I’m sorry.”  
  
Cas had cupped his face, refusing to pity him. “It’s okay.”  
  
It took a few more nights before they were openly intimate; but, when Dean gets back into the swing of their life, he is the best thing that ever happened to Castiel.  
  
“Hey, move.”  
  
Breaking from his thoughts, Cas jumped into the house. Dean had heaped all of their bags onto his back and into his arms. He made a beeline for the downstairs guest bedroom.  
  
Colette followed Dean with her eyes. “Hello to you too, kind sir.”  
  
Dean’s reply was muffled by a door. “Hold your horses, woman.”  
  
Smiling, Cas closed the door and started to take off his coat and over clothes. He hung them each carefully on the hook, knowing his nieces and nephew were hiding somewhere and he didn’t want them tripping. He followed his mother to the kitchen. Anna was there corralling one of her little ones on a stool while she helped make cookies.  
  
When Anna caught sight of Castiel, she nudged her little girl in side with her knee. “Hey, Uncle Cas is here.”  
  
Two bright blue eyes turned and widened in Cas’ direction. “Unc-all Cas!” She pushed at her mother’s arm until she was free to jump at Cas.  
  
Cas picked her up at the armpits and to this chest. “Hello, Hannah. How are you?”  
  
Giggling, Hannah booped Cas’ nose. “I am well.” She over pronounced the last word and pointed a solid glare toward her mother.  
  
Anna wiped off her hand before brushing her hand over her daughter’s head. Her gaze met Cas’. There was a hint of skepticism there. “So, how’s Dean?”  
  
Cas inwardly cringed. Anna didn’t like Dean. She had stopped by for a surprise visit with Hannah, Cas had never met his niece before then, during one of Dean’s trips. Cas had tried to explain but she wouldn’t have any of it. She had needed to catch a train back that evening but almost postponed to wait and tear Dean a new hole. Cas wasn’t entirely sure that she wouldn’t still make true on her promise.  
  
“He’s much better.” Cas tried to imply what he needed to without their mother figuring it out.  
  
“Cassie!” Castiel turned with Hannah to see Gabriel. Quickly, but gently, he set Hannah down and rushed for him. Gabriel had been both the best and worst brother. He was the only person that totally accepted Cas for the gay that he turned out to be at first. He had a lot of thanks for his brother and a very long hug.  
  
Snuffing into Gabriel’s shoulder, Cas spoke into Gabriel’s skin. “How are you?”  
  
Gabriel stiffened before squeezing Cas tighter. Gabriel knew what Cas was talking about, Cas knew it. Cas knew he shouldn’t bring up Gabriel’s wife’s death; but, he needed to know that everything was okay. Gabriel gave a tight squish before he released Cas. “I’m much better.”  
  
Cas absently wondered if he meant that the same way Cas had earlier.  
  
The mood brightened when Hannah tugged on their pant legs and commanded their attention. “Are we going to the early service?”  
  
Cas swallowed. He wasn’t sure if Dean would go but he definitely wanted to. “Yeah, I’m going to ask Dean if he wants to join us.” Cas turned and headed toward their guest bedroom. Dean had taken a while; Dean usually did things rather quickly, especially packing and unpacking.  
  
Cas knew, from Sam mostly, that he and Dean and their Dad moved around a lot. Sam figured that at the beginning they moved with their dad for legitimate business reasons; but, after a while, John had gotten into the con act. John had even trained Dean into it.  
  
Sam always smiled when he got to the last of the story. Sam would say, “He’d never let Dad take me on a con; it just wasn’t something Dean let happen.”  
  
Cas pushed at the door to the guest room. “Dean?”  
  
Cas saw his nephew, Mikey, before he saw Dean. Mikey was sitting on a floral chair in the corner, asleep. He had a book open on his lap. Cas briefly wondered where Mikey got the bookworm trait since it had obviously skipped Gabriel. Cas thought morbidly that it must have come from Kali.  
  
Cas didn’t get through the entire prayer he had laid out for whenever he thought of deceased family. Instead he was sidetracked by the sight of Dean. He was rocking back and forth on the bed. He was mumbling but Cas couldn’t hear him.  
  
Flying forward, Cas crawled onto the bed and curled himself around Dean. He really didn’t want Dean to leave. He wanted Dean to stay. He had no clue how to deal with a panic attack or whatever Dean was going through. He just held him.  
  
There was a quick knock on the door. Cas turned. His mother stood there, having changed into her Sunday best for Christmas Eve early service. She rushed in. She gently shook Mikey awake and sent him on his way then turned to Cas. “Has he done this before?”  
  
Feeling embarrassed for Dean, Cas nodded; but, it would seem that his embarrassment was ill-placed. His mother moved forward and whispered into Cas’ ear, “Ask him if he can hear you. Remind him that you’re here. Tell him to focus on your voice.”  
  
Swallowing hard, Cas did as he was told. “Dean? Dean, can you hear me? It’s Cas. It’s your boyfriend, Cas. I’m here. I’m – I’m right here.” He rubbed Dean’s arm because that happened to be where his hand was. “Dean? Are you there? It’s Cas.”  
  
Dean blinked a few times before turning to Cas. “Cas?”  
  
He continued. “Hey, Dean. Focus on my voice. I’m right here. I’m waiting for you.”  
  
Nodding, Dean stopped shaking. “Yeah, I’m – I’m here. Cas?”  
  
Cas nodded.  
  
Dean extracted himself and froze for a moment.  
  
Cas worried that Dean would take off and leave him alone for Christmas. He worried that Dean may take off for good this time. He worried that maybe-  
  
Launching himself at Cas, Dean hugged Cas and re-deposited himself into Cas’ arms. “Cas. But Cas I was… I was-”  
  
“I don’t know where you were but you are here now.” Cas’ shoulders slumped. “Do you want to leave?”  
  
Dean looked up at Cas from his shoulder. “What? No.”  
  
Cas’ eyebrows rose. “No offense, but isn’t that how this works?” Cas offered a small smile. “If you promise to come back, I-”  
  
“No.” Dean pushed his nose back into Cas. “No more leaving.”  
  
Swallowing, Cas wondered if that was really true, if he could go to sleep and expect Dean to be there in the morning. He wanted it to be true. He wanted it to be true so damn bad.  
  
“All I could think of was Sammy.”  
  
Cas was shocked. Dean never spoke about what happened. He never spoke about what happened when he was little. He never spoke about what happened when Sam left. He never spoke about his attacks or his trips. Cas didn’t even know where he went or how far away it was. Cas waited for Dean to continue. He was not disappointed.  
  
“It was when we were little. Sammy was 4 or 5. We had stopped at a bed and breakfast. Sammy went in first because it was late. Dad hadn’t told us which bed was ours yet so Sam sat in the chair to wait. He ended up falling asleep.” Dean shook his head. “Dad came in and took one look at him and said, ‘About time we put those features to work for us.’ I couldn’t let him do it. I couldn’t let him make Sam into the liar that I was.”  
  
Dean grabbed fistfuls of Cas’ shirt. “I wanted to kill my father in that moment. Instead I came up with a lie. Just like for everything else. I came up with another lie.” He shook his head harder. Cas felt tears soak into his shirt. “I told him that Sam had to go to school and get smart so that he could run the better scams, the number scams.”  
  
Cas pet Dean’s head. Dean shook. “He believed me. I conned my old man into not pulling my brother into cons.” He looked up at Cas. “What kid does that?”  
  
Thinking quickly, Cas tried to respond adequately but all he could say was, “A desperate one.”  
  
Dean nodded into Cas’ shoulder.  
  
There was a knock on the door. Cas wasn’t sure when his mother had left and he wasn’t sure if she had been the person that had closed the door but it was the only person that made sense. Through the door came his mother’s voice. “We’re heading into the early service. You two stay here. You can go to the late service if you feel like it.”  
  
Cas swallowed. He had really wanted to go to the early service. That service was where they read the entire nativity story from the prophecies in Isaiah to the portions of Revelation that deal with the second coming. It was his favorite service.  
  
Dean started to let go of Cas. “It’s okay. I know you wanted to go; it’s all you’ve talked about.” He sniffed and put on a strong face. “You go.”  
  
“No.” Cas pulled Dean back to his chest. “No more running.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve never tried to stop you from leaving. I’ve been running away from all of this too.” He huffed out a heavy breath. “No more running,” he repeated.  
  
Cas guided them down onto the bed and held Dean. It was different and a little awkward at first. Dean had always been a big spoon. Sam had said that all he knew about Dean’s time while Sam was at college was that Dean had been abused. That John had said a lie a bit too big and gotten them into a tough spot; that John had traded Dean for his own freedom. Dean had been kept for three months until the debt was repaid. That was all Sam knew.  
  
Cas knew that Dean didn’t bottom. That was how their relationship was. Dean was never the little spoon and he was never the bottom. Cas had put two and two together. He figured Dean had been sexually abused during his time with the other con. Then, or perhaps another time, or maybe on more than one occasion; Cas didn’t know and he didn’t plan on asking.  
  
Cas had times he didn’t want to talk about, like his last relationship, Meg. It had been nice until she had gotten into BDSM and… well, Cas didn’t want to think about it. In the long run, he was just as okay with always being the bottom in his and Dean’s relationship as Dean was okay with being the top.  
  
Dean curled into him further, almost like he was in sync with Cas. He tangled their legs together and pulled his arms in between his and Cas’ bodies. “Dad could be a dick.”  
  
Cas huffed a little, it was a breathy laugh. “I have gathered as much.”  
  
Dean huff-laughed back.  
  
If Dean was ready to talk, Cas was going to be there to listen. Dean began to talk. Cas listened.  
  
\---  
  
Cas didn’t make it to either of the Christmas Eve services; but, he wasn’t that upset over it. He had spent the majority of the night cuddled up with Dean working out their long list of problems. He found out that he and Dean were a lot more alike than he had first thought. They were both damaged.  
  
Sighing, Cas rolled over from where he had shifted to in his sleep. Dean’s side of the bed was empty. He felt his heart fall. It dropped from his chest into the mattress he was laying on. He had hoped that he and Dean were past this.  
  
Tears prickled at his eyes. He’d be alone for Christmas. He rolled his eyes, obviously not alone-alone, just without Dean. He would still be surrounded by his family. He worried that they may be insufferable once they notice Dean had skipped out.  
  
Cas rolled over and pushed himself onto wobbly legs. He wiped at his eyes even though no tears had actually fallen. He grabbed his robe from the hook on the back of the door without looking and startled himself when his fingers brushed against something that wasn’t as soft as his plush bath robe was supposed to be.  
  
He looked toward his hand to find one of Dean’s flannels thrown over his robe. He moved it to the next hook over and flashed a glance around the room. Dean’s things were still there and Dean would never leave without his things.  
  
Breathing quicker, Cas threw on his robe and flew into the hallway. He almost slipped on a small rug in the middle of the hallway; but, years of yoga kept him from toppling over. He emerged into the kitchen to find his mother at the table nursing a cup of tea and Dean, clad in Christmas themed sleep pants and a red v-neck, pushing buttons on the coffee maker.  
  
Cas almost fell to his knees; but, instead he crossed the room and threaded his arms around Dean. “Hello, Dean.” He rubbed his nose into Dean’s shoulder blade.  
  
“Good morning, Cas.” Dean pressed the start button before spinning around in Cas’ arms.  
  
Cas nuzzled at Dean’s chin; he had to admit that the feel of Dean’s short beard on his nose felt nice. “It is good.”  
  
Dean laughed. “Merry Christmas.” He bent forward and caught Cas’ lips. Cas would have been embarrassed at the moan he made if it hadn’t made his mother giggle.  
  
When Dean pulled away to take his mug from under the Keurig, Cas hummed. “Very merry Christmas.” He licked his lips. Dean blushed.  
  
Turning and making Cas tea with a tea pod, Dean tried to fight off Cas’ mini advances. Cas waited until his mother left to go wake his father before turning Dean around and pushing their hips together. Dean looked surprised.  
  
Cas cocked his head to the side. “Problem?” He rolled his hips into Dean’s.  
  
Dean groaned and pulled Cas in by the lapel’s of his robe. “Hell no.” He pulled Cas into this lips and spent no time before licking into Cas’ mouth. Cas left his head at the angle so that it was easier to match Dean’s kiss.  
  
They broke when Cas’ mother cleared her throat from the hallway. “Your father’s on his way down. He isn’t awake enough for this.”  
  
Smiling, Cas took his tea from the Keurig and pulled Dean to the table with him. “Is anyone else up?”  
  
Colette smiled. “Not yet. I found Hannah and Haley asleep on the couch. They must’ve snuck down to catch Santa.” She played with the place mat on the table; she had once told Cas that his great grandmother had crocheted the Christmas ones. He had always been careful not to spill on them. “I got the stockings filled and everything though,” she winked, “Not to worry.”  
  
Gasping in fake surprise, Dean covered a hand over his chest, “You mean Santa isn’t real?”  
  
Cas rolled his eyes before adding in monotone, “Oh the horror.”  
  
Dean and Colette laughed. It was a good sound. Cas watched Dean over the rounded edge of his mug. When the sound petered away, Dean scratched a hand through his beard. “I, uh, I wanted to thank you.” He flicked his eyes toward Colette.  
  
Her eyes softened. “Don’t worry about it.” She set her cup on the table and grabbed Dean’s hand. “It’s what family is for.”  
  
Cas ducked his head. He hadn’t known what to do. He’d never helped Dean through one of his episodes before. Cas had seen Sam do it. He had never been around when Sam had had one but last night Dean had told him of a few more. If that was what family was for, Cas felt like a poor excuse for Dean’s family.  
  
Licking his lips, Dean responded without looking at Colette. “How did you know what to do? I mean, like I mean how did you know what to tell Cas?” He pulled his hand away to clasp them together on the table. He twisted his fingers continually around each other. If anyone else did it, Cas would say they were wringing their hands; but, Dean’s hands were too handsome to say that they were wringing.  
  
Cas felt a ping of arousal shoot through him while watching Dean’s hands. It was something that didn’t usually happen. He shifted in his seat and took another sip of tea to help cover the red he knew was painting his cheeks. He felt a sudden onset of guilt from the conflicting emotions of ‘not good enough to be Dean’s family’ and ‘God, I want those inside of me right now’.  
  
Hiding himself further behind his tea cup, Cas he caught sight of his father in the hallway. Cain stopped and looked into the living room. Cas guessed that the small smile must have been directed at the still sleeping Hannah and Haley.  
  
Colette was looking that way too. “Cain has panic attacks.”  
  
Cas blinked rapidly. “You never told me that.”  
  
Swallowing, Colette turned to the two of them. “He hasn’t had one in a long time. The last time was around when Anna went to college.”  
  
Somewhere in Cas’ chest he felt a quick pain at not bringing an attack out of his father when he left for college; it was a stupid thing to be jealous over but Cas still felt it for a brief moment before shooing it away.  
  
“He sometimes thinks he’s still in Afghanistan.” She sipped from her mug. “It’s not easy; but, he’s worth it. We’re worth it.” She looked at Cain.  
  
Cas saw that her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. While Cas wasn’t quick to cry, not counting the mornings that Dean leaves, he always found it hard not to cry when his mother was. It was an empathy that he had never grown out of.  
  
Dean reached out and took Cas’ hand into his own and put their entwined fingers on his thigh. Cas breathed out and said soft so his mother wouldn’t hear, only Dean, “We’re worth it.” He wouldn’t have thought Dean had heard except that Dean squeezed his hand in reassurance.  
  
Walking into the kitchen, Cain made a beeline for the fridge. He pulled out the orange juice and picked up a cup from the cupboard. Once he had returned everything to its rightful place and taken a sip, he turned and addressed the room. “I think that Mikey is up which means Gabriel isn’t far behind.”  
  
Colette clapped. The morbid feeling in the room replaced by a splendor that Christmas always brought to homes during the holidays. “We should get the pancakes made so we can open presents before Church.” She stood and began sweeping around the kitchen gathering things. Dean stood to help but Colette shooed him. “Cas come help me so your boyfriend can finish his coffee.”  
  
Groaning, Cas stood. “He got his coffee before I got my tea.” He shed his robe and handed it to Dean. Dean spent no time putting it on. Cas blushed when Dean obviously took a deep breath in through the fabric.  
  
Cain patted Dean on the shoulder and turned back toward the hallway. “Leave ‘em to cook. Help me get some wood from the garage; we’ll get a fire going in the fireplace. Mikey just loves it.”  
  
Cas set the looked away from the eggs, panicked. He grabbed Dean’s arm and pulled it close, lining up his mouth with Dean’s ear. “Will seeing Mikey be a problem?”  
  
Dean took a breath before responding low. “If it is, you’ll be the first to know.” Dean looked over Cas’ face. “But I don’t think it will be. Honestly, after telling you all of… of that. I feel a lot better.”  
  
Cas brought his hands to Dean’s face. He tried to find any patch of doubt but found none; so, instead, he gently pulled on Dean’s beard and pressed his lips into Dean’s. “No more running.”  
  
Pulling away, Dean smiled. “Nope.”  
  
Cas turned to the stove and moved a frying pan onto the heat. He smiled at how domestic it had all become. Then he realized, “Why am I in the kitchen? Does that make me the woman?”  
  
Colette laughed, mixing eggs and flour and whatever else. “Don’t worry.” She glanced into the hall to make sure that Cain and Dean weren’t within earshot. “The women have the say in the relationship anyway.”  
  
“So you’re saying that I am the girl.”  
  
Colette shrugged. “You always did love my pearls.”  
  
\---  
  
Dean patted the spot next to him on the couch. Cas sat next to him and scooted into his side. Mikey was unwrapping a present on Gabriel’s lap and the two girls each had piles of discarded paper behind them.  
  
Mikey pulled the bear that was from Dean and Cas into his arms and proudly named him Bean because it was ‘like Dean but with more ‘bah’ as in bear’. Gabriel hugged him before smiling at Cas. He mouthed a thank you.  
  
Cas laughed. He knew it was heartfelt and Gabriel briefly looked upset at the laughter. It was quickly replaced with awe when three more presents were slid in his and Mikey’s direction with tags proclaiming from Dean and Cas.  
  
Cas felt Dean’s beard at his temple before he felt the kiss, both were comforting.  
  
Hannah squealed when she opened her gift to find a Harry Potter Lego set. “Mama, mama, look what Nan got me.”  
  
Laughing more, Cas turned and bumped noses with Dean. Dean’s eyes were bright while he watched Cas’ family open their gifts. Cas suddenly felt a short pang at Dean missing a holiday with Sam. He turned back to the scene before them and let his head fall onto Dean’s shoulder.  
  
He quietly waited out the rest of the gifts. He refused to show anyone the gift that Gabriel got him; but the red in his face must have alerted everyone to the reason why. Anna had reached over and smacked Gabriel; Dean had simply snuck a peak into the box before winking at Cas. It had only served to make Cas’ face grow hotter.  
  
Once everyone had opened their gifts, they didn’t have long to wait around; church started at 11:00 Christmas morning. Colette had stood and swept everyone off to their rooms to get ready. Dean had grumbled about going to church but gotten up and made his way back to their room with haste so he wouldn’t upset Colette, or so his grumblings told Cas.  
  
Cas kept fighting off Dean’s advances. “We have to get ready.” He fixed Dean’s tie.  
  
“We don’t have to go.” Dean pulled Cas back to him and pressed kisses to the column of his throat.  
  
“I want to go, Dean.”  
  
That time Dean melted away completely. He kept smirking at Cas but didn’t try to get them off task again.  
  
They got to the entry way in time for Colette to rush down the stairs and into the kitchen. “Don’t forget about the open house and pot luck banquet, Dear.”  
  
Cas looked toward the stairs to see if his dad was listening; as the youngest, it had always been his job to make sure messages got from his mother to his father or vice versa. It was a tough habit to break.  
  
Cain called back from somewhere upstairs. “I would never forget something like that.”  
  
Vaguely, Cas recognized the tone in his voice that sounded like when Dean would say that he hadn’t forgotten to take the casserole out of the oven at 6:30. Cas smiled to himself.  
  
Dean looked up the stairs before back to Cas. “How long with lat take?”  
  
Cas shrugged. “Probably until at least 4.”  
  
Dean’s eyes bugged out of his head. “4?”  
  
Nodding, Cas busied himself with Dean’s collar, kind of because it was messed up and kind of because he wanted an excuse to touch Dean.  
  
“Then we’ll be coming back, yeah?”  
  
Cas shook his head. “Then we’ll probably be caroling with Mum and the choir until dinner time.” Cas shrugged again, “I told you that Christmas was an all day thing for my family.”  
  
Dean smiled. “I know, I was just hoping we could have some time to ourselves.”  
  
Laughing, Cas moved his hands to Dean’s shoulders. “This is about as much us-time as we’re going to get today. Once the nieces and nephews come down, we won’t have a moment alone until we go to bed.”  
  
Dean was quiet.  
  
“What is it?” Cas slowly looked over Dean. “What’s wrong? I can tell Mum and Dad we’re taking our own car. You can leave when you want to.”  
  
“That’s not it.” Dean pushed his hands into his pockets.  
  
Cas pulled his eyebrows together. “Then what is it?”  
  
Dean swallowed. His eyes flicked up to Cas’. He let out a huff and rolled his eyes. He pulled a small box from one of his pockets.  
  
“What are you-”  
  
“I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders, Cas. I want to talk to you about everything. It’ll take time and patience; but, uh… yeah. Will you marry me?” Dean knelt on one knee.  
  
Cas stared. He was in awe. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to throw his arms around Dean. He wanted to make it a story he would forever remember and just as sappy as Jess running and kissing Sam from across a football field full of balloons or Anna playing her and Bart’s song on violin. None of it happened though. Cas wasn’t good at it. He was the youngest and most socially awkward in their family. “Did you know all of this was going to happen? Did you plan it or something?”  
  
Dean waited a beat. “What?” His eyes grew scared. “No, I just… I wanted to, I don’t know.” He looked down. His hand with the ring box lowered without even showing Cas the ring.  
  
“No!” Frantically, Cas grabbed wrist attached to the hand with the ring box.  
  
Looking back up at Cas, Dean looked utterly puzzled. Cas wanted to wipe the expression from his face; but, he didn’t know what to say.  
  
Dean’s eyes became determined. “Last time I left, I got about 2 hours away before I realized that I didn’t know what I was running from. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t my job. It was something else.” He swallowed. “I was trying to run from my dad. I am still trying to run away from my dad. But, I realized that the only time my dad was around was when I left.”  
  
Cas tried to pull Dean up by the wrist but Dean put his other knee on the ground and sat back on his heels.  
  
“I would drink. I would hustle pool. I would fall back into that life style that I had always known. I had to make sure I was far enough away that it wouldn’t cause problems for you and I when we lived our normal life.”  
  
Legs about to give out, Cas sat on the bottom step of the staircase.  
  
Dean’s beard quivered. “I realized that when I was with you I wasn’t John. I’m not even Dean, not con-Dean or lying-Dean to scared-little-kid-Dean. When I’m with you, I’m part of something else. I’m Cas-and-Dean.”  
  
Cas bit his lip to stop it from quivering.  
  
“I knew you were the one long before then; but, that was the final straw. I spent that trip looking for a ring.” Dean looked up to meet Cas’ eye. “I knew you were the one forever. You always reminded me. When you bake me muffins in the morning or when you let me sleep on the couch when I need too; or when you tell me that everything is going to be okay because you’re there. When you don’t mind to bottom all the time because you know I have issues.”  
  
Peeking up the stairs, Cas made sure that the kids didn’t hear. He looked back to Dean. He was frozen. His throat was filled with cotton and his heart was absolute mush.  
  
Dean was red in the face but he kept going. It was like when a damn broke and nothing could stop the torrent of water that followed. “I want to spend every Christmas with you, and every birthday and Thanksgiving. I want to fight with you over decorations and cookies for your church bakes sales. I want to wake up to your face every morning. I want to, to raise kids with you.” Dean licked his lips. “You’ve gone through all of my baggage and somehow found me under all of it. Please, Cas, will you marry me?” Dean offered up the box again; his eyes almost pleading.  
  
Throwing himself at Dean, Cas rolled them to the floor. He straddled Dean. He wasn’t good with words but he was good at whatever this was. He arched over and planed a kiss on Dean’s mouth. Dean lay still for a moment before responding.  
  
When Dean responded, it was like the house heated up a few billion degrees. His lips were rough and tasted like maple syrup. His hands squeezed the back of Cas’ thighs so close to his ass that Cas felt his hole twitch. He really wanted it.  
  
But he also wanted to go to church.  
  
He pulled away and smiled. “Yes.” He panted. “I will marry you a million times over.”  
  
Dean smiled back. “Good.” He opened the box at last.  
  
While Cas had expected a ring, he hadn’t expected two. He bit his lip when Dean pulled one out and slid it on Cas’ finger. Dean sat up grabbing Cas to stop him from hitting the stairwell banister. The other ring was on a chain and Dean gave it to Cas. “Will you do the honors?”  
  
Cas nodded and unclasped the chain reaching around Dean’s neck and reclasping it. Cas went to tuck it under Dean’s shirt like the bronze pendant and army dog tag that also hung on Dean’s neck; but, Dean’s hand stopped him.  
  
“I want everyone to see.”  
  
Cas nodded and just stared at the ring on the chain. He stood and pulled Dean up too and right into a kiss. They didn’t get long to enjoy it before Mikey was running circles around the entry way singing a song about candy canes and Baby Jesus.  
  
Cas laughed. He was giddy from his toes to his nose to everywhere else.  
  
His parents congratulated them. Anna hugged Cas and told him that she wished Bart was there to see it – he was off on business somewhere or another, hence his absence. Gabriel simply squeezed him tight and whispered, “Don’t think naughty things in church.”  
  
Turning red, Cas imagined that he would have trouble focusing on the service.  
  
Cain smiled. “So how are we going? Two cars?” He counted the people in the entry.  
  
“I think we’re taking the impala.” Cas piped up.  
  
“Nah, we’re good.” Dean added.  
  
Part of Cas was excited that Dean wanted to be a part of the entire Milton Family Christmas; but, another part wanted to get home as soon as possible and fuck his fiancé senseless.  
  
Everyone filed out the door. Dean laughed and leaned close to Cas’ ear. “I’m going to tell everyone that at first to yelled ‘No’ at me.”  
  
Cas’ face spread out on horror. “You wouldn’t. You know I didn’t, I didn’t mean-”  
  
Laughing, Dean ran away from Cas and picked up Mikey where he was trying to make a snowball. He swung him onto his shoulders and bounced the boy. Mikey squealed in joy.  
  
Sighing, Cas watched.  
  
“With that beard and Mikey on his shoulders, it looks like that picture hung in the hallway of you and dad.” Gabriel grinned around the candy cane in his mouth.  
  
Cas’ expression turned to horror, again. “Oh God, I’m going to be marrying my father.”  
  
Gabriel laughed and guided a shocked Cas toward the car and tried to shake Cas out of his sudden change in mood.  
  
Christmas spirit was a must; Christmas was an all day thing in the Milton household.


End file.
